Hearing From Queensborough Community College

MAY II - Chapter 55 -

. . . ora capisco
La ragnatela si è aggrovigliata su di me
E ho perso la testa
E ho pensato a tutte le cose stupide che ho   detto

Gli occhi velati di lacrime, le osservavo cadere sull’asfalto grigio   del marciapiede. L’avevo vista   allontanarsi tra la folla, accanto ad un altro. Nel suo sguardo il disprezzo, l’angoscia, il dolore. . .

È una ragnatela e io sono ci So I ended up in full

I do to get away and think of all the stupid things I did

On his knees, tears mixed with blood, wash the wounds that tore my hands to rest on my face relentlessly. Why I wanted to see her in the arms of another, I would never have thought to look in his eyes other eyes that were not mine, other to his lips touch my lips were not in his body to love another body. .. .

And I never meant to hurt you
I never meant to hurt you

I never meant to hurt you

was atrocious. . . was unbearable. . . my soul disintegrate. . . my head explode from the pain. . . the wounded heart, reduced in tatters. . . Imagine that I never wanted to see. . . horrible feeling. . . that frost on his face, in his heart. . . in his words

Impotent.

is the web, and I'm there in the middle
And I twist and I turn
But I'm always here in my little bubble

Shouting

I lied. . . the illusion of being able to have with me forever, can finally be happy, to be able to love without reservation, without limit. I should tell her the truth. . . confess to knowing anything to hurt her to death. . . knowing of losing it.

I should do it. I was wrong. Again. Away from me. Forever.

they spun a web for me

Loro filavano una ragnatela per me

Loro filavano una ragnatela per me

****

 

a sudden sprint. ..

-No ... - sighed confused.

Those penetrated into my eyes, dark, deep:

- Do not think Isabella. . . relaxed. . . - The low tone, husky.

His fingers under the fabric slightly, reaching a nipple, touch imperceptibly. . . a shock, a thrill. . . I closed my eyes. . .

- Oh. . . Isabella you are so receptive. . . hot. . . exciting. . . - While playing with the index that turgid erection.

sudden chill radiating down his back. Then there are those lips on mine, full, fleshy, to seek, to ask. . .

The other free hand to tease the nipple, slight movements, circular, with the fingers outside to retrieve it, making it completely explode.

threw open his eyes, while a feeling of uneasiness began to rage in every fiber of my body. I tried to escape the assault. . . returning to me.

- No Raul! - I came up, taking a riabbottonare shirt.

front of me, his arms around her waist, a narrow powerful, vigorous:

- You have the right to desire other men Isabella . . . you have the right to try new sensations. . . - His sensual lips on my ear to get wet on my neck. . . on chest. . . to discover my breasts, voluptuous opening on the nipple erect now dramatically, caught between the teeth and tongue, in a firm grip.

- Ah! - An uncontrolled moan escape from my lips.

Pictures of him, his lips on the amber skin, on that breast fuller, firmer, on those nipples. . . his hands on his skin. . .

How could he?

  Come poteva aver cercato il piacere,   mentre io ero su quel letto, agonizzante, disperata, in cerca di lui ?

Altre immagini, il suo membro a penetrarla, a darle piacere, a riceverne. . .

E in un istante immaginai quelle stesse labbra a darmi piacere, a risucchiare i miei capezzoli, la sua bocca, la sua lingua, i suoi denti. . .

- Lasciati andare Isabella. . . - quella voce. . . . non era la sua voce.

Mentre quella bocca si muoveva avidamente sulla mia pelle, per poi scendere sull’addome. . . muoversi intorno all’ombelico, la sua mano al di sotto della gonna, risalendo   verso l’alto. . . a lambire il pizzo degli slip, il pollice a comprimere sul clitoride gonfio.

- Oh. . . - era tutto diverso, diretto, deciso. . . possente. . . non erano le sue dita, abili, delicate, sensuali, a frugare tra le pieghe, ad accrescere sapientemente il desiderio, a dosare l’eccitazione. . . there was his eroticism. . . the sensuality of his voice, his provocations.

How could he?

Tears of anger began to accumulate between the lashes. . .

How he managed to make love to her. . . feel its taste. . . her moans. . . enjoy that pleasure?

How could cancel totally thought of me. . . when for me it was impossible even for a moment not to think of him?

My senses were screaming his name, his touch, his breath, his voice. . . shouted to his body, his smell. . . there could be room for anyone. . . no one else but himself.

- No! - I yelled wriggling.

In an instant I picked up the bag, wearing coat, opened the door in a fury. . . . finding myself in the street, running distraught, beside me, under the snow continued to fall incessantly.

Tears of anger and despair. The pierced heart had begun to bleed, excruciating pain, relentless. . . nausea unbearable.

***

- Bella?-

- Papà. . . - lacrime. . . ancora lacrime.

- Cosa c’è? E’   un po’ che ti sento. . . strana. . . sei sicura che vada tutto bene?-

Ricacciai il magone che si stava impossessando della mia voce:

- E’ un periodo piuttosto difficile, sono piena di lavoro. . . -

- Edward? All Forks knows him. .. are so proud of you my darling! -

sighed. . . :

- I love you dad. Now I must leave you. . . - was all I could to answer.

- too Bells. . . -

Communication closed.

I was in the office, exhausted. I had not slept all night, had too many thoughts raged in my mind, images, mixed feelings, absurd, and incomprehensible because, on one hand I wanted to banish the memory of him so alive inside of me, on the other hand I felt totally helpless, unable to live my life without him.

... You have the right to desire other men Isabella. . . you have the right to try new sensations. ..

How could I wish for other bodies, other sensations when every fiber of my being was poisoned by him, by his recollection?

I knew we'd got to that point. . . I knew exactly how I would react, because even if pushed by an irrepressible thirst for vengeance, I finished with only betray myself. Because after a part of me hated him with all his strength, he was loved. . . he and only he and I would never sully the feeling so pure, that still flowed from my soul.

I just needed time. I would have deleted it. Little by little. I would have failed. I just needed time.

went back to me, my eyes on those papers scattered everywhere. I had waited all day for a response from Carlisle, a communication that would eventually unravel all my connection with the holding and that family. In vain.

I had no idea how he meant proceed. . . but certainly I would not have contacted by telephone. I felt betrayed, hurt and humiliated by them, by their behavior, their lies, their deceit, their secrets.

And I would be able to forget, to pretend that they never existed, if it were not for the only gripe that still tormented my sleepless nights along with everything else: Rose.

My best friend, she who had always supported, spurred on, encouraged. . . my best friend, a sister. . . or maybe even more.

Among the endless vortex which whirled in my mind she was a milestone: pierced with grief, I had denied my presence at the wedding. Wounding to death.

I had predicted from the conduct officer: was gone from my life, leaving me completely alone. It was not like her. It had never happened. I had reached the bottom. A point of no return. I exaggerated with her, not had no fault but to marry one of them.

long I stood there, locked in my loneliness, desperate for an answer.

few more hours. . . and I lost her too. A few more hours. . . on that day that should have been the happiest of his life, and I would have deleted from his life forever.

few more hours. It would all be over.