HIV has led the way il suo primo bambino quando aveva appena tre anni, ma il desiderio di avere un altro figlio dopo quella grande perdita era così grande che Netsanet Eiigu ha voluto sfidare quel terribile virus, che ha colpito lei e il marito, e metterne al mondo un altro, nonostante questa volta fosse consapevole della malattia e di ciò che essa comporta. Ha deciso, però, anche di non tenere per sé quella dolorosa esperienza, ma di farla diventare un’occasione di crescita, di formazione, di presa di coscienza per tante donne, soprattutto per quelle incinte. Per questo ha accettato il lavoro di consulente offertogli dal centro sanitario di Debre Markos, nell’East Gojjam: tre volte alla settimana incontra future mamme per dare loro utili informazioni on the virus, how to prevent transmission, but also to spread good hygiene practices and avoid the transmission of many diseases.
He tells his story, guests right in the center of the room where it is usually compared with pregnant women, is sitting on a small chair in the straw, which uses for the coffee ceremony that accompanies each encounter. The face is serious, dark, at first seems almost uninterested in our presence, but then begins to speak without hesitation and let go with insights and stories narrated in great detail, but always keeping in check the emotions well. His deep eyes watching me with an intensity that puts almost embarrassed, but that does not leave leaks, if not in rare cases, what is behind: difficult to capture faces or sad expressions dictated by bad memories, and even more rare are the moments where smiles grants. The features are mild and almost dull clash with that attitude, but perhaps his past, full of pain and complications, and has pushed hard to create a shield behind which, almost unconsciously, he tries to defend himself. If the loss of their first child was the worst moment of his life, is certainly not the only source of suffering and sad episode.
Netsanet is the city of Digotsion Bibugn in the woreda, rather than away from Debre Markos and his mother died when she was 15 years dopo aver sofferto per tanto tempo di emorroidi, mai curate a dovere. Per la donna era stato un lungo susseguirsi di alti e bassi, con disturbi che si accentuavano e si attenuavano ma senza mai lasciarla, sempre trascurati fino a quando la situazione non precipitò costringendola a letto e, nel giro di un mese, portandola alla morte. Un dolore grandissimo per la giovane Netsanet, che viveva sola con la madre poiché frutto di una relazione extraconiugale con un uomo che aveva già un’altra famiglia. Fu proprio con quest’ultima che lei si trasferì a vivere una volta rimasta orfana, ma fin dall’inizio fu chiaro che quella convivenza non poteva durare: la matrigna non voleva quella ragazzina tra i piedi, simbolo dei tradimenti del marito, who else besides Netsanet had other children outside of marriage. The woman abused the girl, not just in words, and prevented her from going to school.
Those prohibitions and hostile attitudes were unbearable for the young and both were due to ongoing discussions between spouses. The behavior of the father, in fact, was quite different from that of his stepmother: she was affectionate with her daughter, tried to defend it, but this had to constantly struggle with the woman. To put an end to the rending situation for everyone, Netsanet left that house and moved to live with a friend, selling tella (local beer made at home) to keep. It was during that activity that met Alemu Awoke, then a young soldier. Among them soon blossomed into a relationship that quickly led to marriage, but also that new life was about to reserve the surprises: "He drank heavily and was violent, often fought and beat me even when I was pregnant," the woman says with a serious face and task, as if he would remember those moments. "It happened when I was nine months pregnant, but I defended it with a stick," he added with his eyes fixed on a distant point. Those heated arguments had no physical consequences for the two, but they were the cause of their first separation, or rather what prompted the man to leave and go live in Debre Markos. Poor Netsanet found himself out of the blue again, alone and with a child who would come very soon. Fortunately, the relationship with his father was still strong and he turned away: warned by neighbors, caught her and took her to live with him, this time with the consent of his wife's unexpected. The birth took place in hospital, with the help of family and the young could spend the first two months in a sort of domestic tranquility with the newcomer, Kaldikan, though deprived of the companion and pleasure to share with him those moments.
He had just started to organize their lives, for the umpteenth time again, when she returned to make Alemu peace and take it back to live with him, bringing it to Debre Markos. Netsanet did not think twice what the league was and that man is too strong to say no, she loved him and love him, admit it frankly and somewhat 'shameful, still looking away, closing in on itself and becoming progressively smaller. Unfortunately, despite feeling that their relationship did not seem to find their way to work as befits a married couple: the man continued to be rude, disputes continued often and often he would go for days, moving in a nearby town. To worsen the fragile situation, always poised and risk of explosion, it added qualcosa di ancora più grave: la malattia del piccolo Kalkidan. Un momento terribile per Netsanet, in cui ogni giorno portava con sé una nuova sofferenza: il peggioramento del bambino, il ricovero in ospedale, poi la diagnosi che identificava nell’AIDS la causa di quei malesseri. Non c’era tempo da perdere, la donna prese subito appuntamento con il medico per le necessarie analisi e le cure ma Kaldikin, purtroppo, a quell’appuntamento non arrivò mai. Il suo corpicino, troppo debole e provato, cedette prima, la morte lo strappò dalle braccia della madre senza darle la possibilità di lottare con lui. Quante lacrime versate, che gran dolore per quanto accaduto, quanti interrogativi ai quali non era semplice trovare risposte. Experienced tragedy, which initially faced Netsanet alone because her husband if he was gone again a few days before admission of the child and she did not know where it was. Despite all this, when Alemu came back, took it back this time with him and, after telling him what happened, he cried again earnestly with enormous loss. A death too sudden to be accepted, which brought with it another problem you can not ignore: most likely one or both of them had contracted HIV. They did the test, at first she just turned positive, while the outcome of him, no, had to be confirmed after three months. But at the end ninety days of those long analysis revealed another truth: he was ill. At that point in so much pain you add the knowledge that they had been to transmit the disease to the little frightening. Perhaps
Netsanet does not want to dig too much into his past and that of his man, but says he does not know how they contracted the virus: "I did not have sexual relations with other men and I do not think that was to plague him , - says seriously, but without expanding too - maybe I got when I edited a sick sister, and probably died of AIDS, or perhaps using some cutting tool borrowed from neighbors and not clean. Prior to these practices there was no attention. "
The discovery of being both sick convinced them, however, that they could continue to live together, there were no grounds for separation, which could be mutually supportive. The loss of small Kalkidan, however, had left a gap too big for the young man struck down so early maternal desire still burned strong within her. Fears and concerns were there, but Netsanet could not resign himself to the idea of \u200b\u200bnot having children. For this he sought help at the health center of Debre Markos and discovered that there was a possibility that there are systems of prevention, which could take medicine to lessen the chance of transmission the virus to any child. Finally some good news for you, but how to convince your husband? With the usual serious expression that did not want to reveal so much suffering, says he was against it: "He was afraid he was born sick and then we also had many economic problems. He had given up his military service because of problems in the leg work and made daily, generally in the construction of palaces. " But she was not willing to give up, that child wanted him, he confesses in a peremptory tone, she wanted so much to be ready to engage with the husband until exhaustion while putting the world and finally succeeded in doing so. Of course at that point, things were not simple: there was all la trafila all’ospedale da seguire rigidamente, affinché il bambino nascesse sano e al contempo il costante timore che potesse succedere qualcosa, che si potesse ripetere la storia del primogenito.
Le cose però non possono andare sempre nel verso sbagliato, in mezzo a tanta sofferenza ci deve pure essere lo spazio per un sospiro di sollievo e, dopo il parto, per Netsanet è arrivato quel momento: il secondogenito è nato sano, niente virus per lui. L’ha chiamato Yohanis e ora ha tre anni. Purtroppo però questo raggio di luce nella sua vita è stato offuscato da un altro dispiacere: Alemu l’ha di nuovo lasciata; a dispetto di quanto era sembrato in un primo momento, con il passare dei mesi le sue capacità to manage the virus began to falter. Physical disorders were added to psychological problems. Now she lives alone with the baby. It is very hard for her without the man who, despite the many problems and ill-treatment continue to want next: his eyes when he says it is lost in the void, the face is made. Do not you let go and fuss, it is still on his chair, arms folded and lock-outs, but those few words and expressions that show lets out so much loneliness. After what he did, it almost seems crazy that you still want her back, but it's true, he says without any shame as if it were the most normal thing in the world despite their past.
Now, however, is not entirely alone: \u200b\u200bduring the visits to the health center for care during pregnancy has known the members of Beza, the largest association of people with HIV born in Debre Markos also supported by the CVM. A group that provides emotional support but also material. For a time she and other women living with HIV have been running a small bar where they sold tea and bread, unfortunately is now closed because some of them have died and others are sick and unable to work. The association recently, however, also helps by providing discrete quantities of oil and grain. For some time, also works at the health center three times a week he meets with pregnant women, organized the ceremony del caffè e con altre colleghe, anch’esse malate di HIV, cerca di trasmettere alle future mamme preziosi consigli sul virus e non solo. La sua esperienza è un grande esempio per quelle donne: alcune come lei hanno l’AIDS e lottano per non trasmetterlo al nascituro. “Sono molto contenta di lavorare qui, penso al mio passato, alla mia storia e so che raccontandola e condividendo la mia esperienza con altre donne faccio una cosa utile. Può essere loro di esempio. Possono capire che con l’HIV si può convivere e che si possono far nascere bimbi sani, se si seguono i consigli del medico, se si adottano le necessarie precauzioni e si prendono le medicine”.
Camilla Corradini
Volontaria CVM, Ethiopia
Volontaria CVM, Ethiopia
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